Love

I love being in love. I love that feeling of butterflies you get when you're around that person, the sparks in the air you get when you kiss them, the goofy smile that appears on your face when you get a text from them, and the feeling of wanting to be wrapped in their arms all day and night.

Being in love is truly magical, it's what every prince and princess want in their lives at some point. Being loved and loving someone. Whether that be a man, woman, child, family member, animal, etc. Everyone craves it and everyone needs it. I do believe that love exists, for sure.

But relationships are tricky. They are not going to be perfect all the time. They require work-from both ends. Balance is key in every part of life. Not only a relationship with someone else, but even yourself. If you can't love yourself, how will you be able to fully love someone else? There needs to be love for your own self, so that when you find that other person, you will be able to share strengths and not have one be overly dependent on the other.

I have not been good with living this out in my life in previous relationships years past. I think this year was a turning point-and even then, I'm still learning. I've always fallen into the trap of making that other person my world. And that is incredibly not fulfilling at all and completely unhealthy. I remember bending over backwards for one boyfriend when I was younger, completely putting him first before my family or friends or even myself. How ridiculous is that? And I had to be in my early teens at that time and it was just so unfortunate to look at myself, knowing that I was abandoning my life for some guy who didn't even like me as much as I did him. He was off with other girls, doing his own thing, saying stuff and when it came to his actions it was a complete 180.

Another boy I was with, I remember that I found him actually at the time I broke it off with the guy I just spoke about. He was a very sweet guy, been through a lot and had a huge heart. And as strong as he made is exterior, he was just as brittle and unbalanced as me. We were together for a while, but it didn't last long before we looked for someone who could help to lift us up. I still think that he was a great guy, one of the few boyfriends that I have had who are a very good guy to be with, and I hope he's doing well.

I remember one incident, after the guy I had who I just spoke about, who completely changed me. I still have "quirks" with me because of how our paths came to be and I have come to terms with it just this year and to forgive him. They say the greatest strength is forgiveness, and I truly believe that with all my heart. He damaged me in ways that I would never wish upon any little girl-or anyone for that matter. It broke my heart and scarred me. I can not even put down into words just how much pain he put me through and how much I have had to overcome because of him. Though this was the first man I "fell for", he was the one who made me not believe in marriage. At least for myself. But the incident did teach me a lot.

After him. I fell into a deep darkness. I looked for the approval of men to be my happiness. The darkness lasted a while and I remember doing whatever it was to find ways of getting attention. Changing my wardrobe to be more frisky and my makeup to completely cover my face. I acted in a way that I knew would gain attention, and I thrived in it, so I thought.

The lessons became lessons only after I started doing some soul work. I remember, and as cliche as this sounds it's 100% true, I resorted to my faith. I resorted to my family and friends. I resorted to only positive motivators and teachers to help get me through those tough times. Of course, I had boyfriends, who helped lift me up, but they were short lived. Like I said, I still have some "quirks". But having all that as my support system really helped me believe in myself as me.

I'm still learning, I'm still growing. We all are and I think that will never stop. Love yourself first before getting into a relationship and make sure that they're is a balance. I once heard one person, "Don't refer to your relationship as a 'couple'. A couple means that they can not be separated. A relationship means that two people love themselves and each other that they can be together or separated".  and I love it and believe in it fully.

Be happy with the one you're with.

"Don't rush into love. Remember that even in fairytales, the happy endings take place on the last page."